Free relationship advice
Being a Coward and Taking It Slow
Hey Doc:
I met this really beautiful girl last semester. I'm
about to turn 35 and she's about to turn 21. I asked
her out, and things were going very well between the
two of us. We were spending part of almost every day
together, with weekends being almost all day. We were
going places and having fun, and I even took her on
a trip to see her favorite team play. Both of us had
never been happier.
This was the first relationship for her. I've browsed
the Internet, and as far as flirting signals go, she
gave me virtually all of them! Well, I wanted to go
slow with this girl to show her and her parents I respected
her. I met her parents Thanksgiving, and they both seemed
to like me then...Not so after Christmas for some reason.
They knew there was an age difference, as did she. Everybody
seemed fine with it.
Then, things started to go bad. I got very sick the
first week of December. I was hoping to be able to kiss
her about this time, but didn't want to give her my
infection. I even gave her candy kisses when we went
to the Christmas dance together and told her she could
trade them in later for the real thing. She went home
for Christmas and was gone for a month. When she returned,
I noticed a change in how she was responding to me.
In the middle of January, she gave me back the kisses,
and demanded that I kiss her "for real". I
was still a little sick but finally gave in and gave
her a couple of light kisses on the lips. This was her
very first kiss. I could tell she seemed disappointed.
So I asked her about it. She said she wasn't, but I
could tell she was by her body language.
From there, everything went downhill. Literally. The
next night, she told me she needed time & space,
and that she didn't want to date anymore. After numerous
calls to her and her avoiding me, I finally got a call
from her dad telling me to leave her alone!
Do you think it was a confidence issue, or her dad,
or a combination of both?
Thanks for your help.
Hello!
Congratulations - you've turned her into a lesbian!
(just joking)
This "take it slowly" attitude is your undoing.
You've completely destroyed any chance you'll ever have
with this woman out of that attitude. This is exactly
where your lack of confidence was rooted out by her
and her family.
Women don't want to date other women (unless...well,
you know), they want to date MEN. I get letters all
the time from women that complain about this very fact.
They crave the things that we are as men because it's
so different from what they are.
By taking it slow, what you're really saying is that
you're a coward. You're afraid to move things along
at a normal pace. Further, you don't really understand
how women think or feel. They want to be swept off their
feet by a man that knows what he wants and where he's
going. You spent all sorts of time and money on her
but never gave her what she really wanted.
Do you know what differentiates a "date"
from two friends getting together? A kiss! But, not
that friendly kiss on the cheek - it's has to be a full
mouth, romantic, expressive kiss. It has to say "Hey
there's more here than just familiarity."
This was her first experience with a pseudo-boyfriend,
and it went very poorly. When she meets a real man,
she's going to see how things should be - and why you
actually harmed her first experience! Sorry ol' boy,
that's the way it is. Her father and brother see this,
and believe me, their not going to let her get even
more of that treatment from you.
My brother, do yourself a favor and get your education
straightened out. Get a copy of "Being a Man in
a Woman's World" and learn what the game is really
all about. Until you do, you're going to be stuck in
this same deadly cycle. I think you deserve more, don't
you?
Got a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer
all letters. You can write to me at dwneder@remingtonpublications.com
for answers. For more information about my book, "Being
a Man in a Woman's World", visit: www.remingtonpublications.com.
Copyright (c) 2001, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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